5 June 2011


Gepost in overig, persoonlijk

>A personal post again, for today. I hope to give you a little bit more inside in my life and who I am this way. Comments on personal posts means even more than regular comments to me, so please speak out again! 

I am more than ever on a point in my life where I have to ask myself: what do I want? There are a few things I am sure of, and one of them is expressing and being creative. Next to fashion, music is the perfect expression to me, and when I dance I feel like I can take a break from Earth (sounds creepy, huh?).

On my fourth year (see picture) I started doing ballet. I can’t say I was hooked from that point. However, what I do remember very well is that I went watching with a friend of mine whether I liked it. She didn’t, I did. And though we were very young, that never changed.

By the age of eight I quitted, with a little bit of pain in my heart. Though, the anger was dominant at that point: I have been driven with my friends’ mother to the ballet classes, but we as friends got in a fight and I was crying every week when I had to go with her. At that age, the fight was everything in my life, and enough reason to quit.

I started playing hockey. Something I never liked, but in my neighbourhood everyone did it. And well… with my friends it was quite a lot of fun. But I am no sports girl, you know. I love been creative and ‘arty’, and to my opinion ballet is a form of making art. Some people see it as sports, but I don’t agree.

In the mean time I did some other forms of dancing, like streetdance, which was quite a trend at the time. I loved it as much as ballet, though I do think it is way more superficial.

When I was thirteen to fourteen, I started ballet again. How stupid this may sound, it felt like I was home again. In the mean time I have dancing a lot alone, just at home, but with this very strict teacher I felt like I was faced to physical challenges again, and I loved that.

About one and a half year ago, I stopped again. I didn’t like the decision, but since then I have been busy with my blog a lot, and life is about priorities. I still miss it, but from that moment, I didn’t feel like it fitted in my life. My life has been all about fashion lately, and -as I have a hard time relaxing- I couldn’t set my mind just to the ballet thing when I was doing it. I don’t like doing things half, so I thought it was better to search for a  more appropriate time.

Also, the school wasn’t the right one for me. There were girls I had lessons with, who really had the opportunity to become a great baller dancer. I definitely wasn’t good enough. However, I didn’t care when it comes to dancing. I am a perfectionist, but dancing is something light-hearted for me, which will always search her position back in my life, though I know it will be a big part of it. It just wasn’t that much fun that I felt like I got ‘looked away’.

A little while ago I started doing zumba. Of course this is more meant as a work-out, then really dancing and it’s not really art either, but again I have that feeling of coming home. It feels good that the dancing thing always seems to come back to me.

I have a hard time relaxing, I almost can’t, but that I started doing zumba again was definitely a kind of survival strategy, when I had such hard times with school this past year. It was a way to process my emotions, and – I as I am a ‘thinker’- a way to close my thoughts and just being busy with my body.

It is not the same as doing ballet, but at least I can plan my own time now, and that is what I need at the moment – I am quite fed up with deadlines and obligations. 

Do you recognize something from this post? Maybe in another passion or sports? I’m curious!

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