22 June 2011

>Personal – Graduating

Gepost in persoonlijk

>I promise you that this will be the one of the last posts about school and graduating, as this isn’t a personal blog after all. However, I am glad you are all so positive when it comes to more personal posts, so I felt like sharing this with you anyway again.

As there has been a lot of negativity, hard times and insecurity when it came to going to school and graduating the past time -which i also shared with you in this post– I want to end this last year of high school in a positive way and, lucky for me, I actually can!

I told you before that I am actually never satisfied. Well, the exception has been made. The day I heard I was graduated, the 16th of June was definitely one of the greatest days in my life so far. Very honestly, I can’t think of a moment in my life I felt happier than that day. As I was quite convinced I wouldn’t graduate by the time, it was an extra, extra, extra surprise and gosh, I felt free, I felt secure, I felt a great self confidence boost, I felt supported, I felt love for life.

From the moment I read my name on the ‘graduated’ list, the rest of the day was one big roller coaster. I have been with tons of enthusiastic people on the phone, wanted to organize a small, informal party with the people I love and like. Which was quite a task with nobody wanting to come on such a short term, haha. I didn’t care. I would the rest of that day at least, and when the 16th would turn the 17th, no one could take the 16th away from me any more.

I wanted to hang the flag with my old (school) (school) -no, this is no typo- bag. I wanted to yell, dance, turn the music as loud as possible. 
When I went to school to see my grades, I wasn’t interested in them at all: they couldn’t be that great anyway. I was just enjoying the feeling that this was the last time I hád to come to school. And this was the first time I entered school as a gráduated.

It was so nice to see everyone being proud of me – teachers, pupils, my boyfriend and family. Also people who weren’t even that close to me could respond so cute. What I was overwhelmed with as well were the many, many graduation comments I received on a post where there was just one word to read: Speechless. You are the best! I asked you to send me a little angel, right? Well, I felt every single one of them on my shoulder.

You should know that my birthday is one of the days I love the most in a year. I know it is pretty childish, but it always feels like ‘my’ day and going to turn 18, that still feels so nice and princess-like, haha. Anyway, graduating feels like my birthday squared. I almost regretting not going back to school again after summer to have this feeling again in a few years ;)!

I couldn’t sleep that night -too much adrenaline- and when I did, though I was exhausted, I woke up very early again without feeling tired. Believe me: it was a long, long time ago I woke up with such a relaxed feeling. I can’t even remember, and I can’t describe how amazing it felt.

There was so much that was given to me those days. One of the most important ones was the feeling people gave me that I did this, which was partly what led to the confidence boost. Of course I didn’t manage to reach my exams without the thousand little support of everyone around me, but still then I also could have given up.

Also, crazy enough, one of the first times in my life I didn’t see it negative: I didn’t give up, and this was my reward. Not a reward for the hard work I put in school, but it was a reward for the mental problems I had been through.

Furthermore I had given a fire from my dad, to burn a lot of my school papers -my wish. I had given an enormous ice cream with firework from the kind restaurant-owner at my ‘graduation dinner’. I had given a personal ‘graduated’ pie by my sisters baking skills. I had given burning candles to blow and feel happy like a three years old. I had given decorations all around the house -which had been bought for me, while I covered my face in make-up. I had given an amazingly sweet speech of my dad. Not the words, but more the look on his face was what touched me.

We are various days further and, yes: I can’t state here that there has been nothing that might have disappointed me the last days, or no things that could have been better. As I am on a very important point in my life, I am learning a lot about myself and my environment. Also, now most hectic has been over, I feel like this book wasn’t closed just on the 16th, how badly I might want it. I will definitely need more time to process the both negative and positive emotions of the past year. Besides I need to catch up on a lót of sleep and there are choices to be made for my future.

Conclusion – no conclusion, but what I wanted to say- is that everything that was part of graduating is positive, but it was a thousand times more for me because I didn’t expect it to come, and that there is nothing that can or could overshadow my positive feelings. The fact that I have tears in my eyes writing this, says enough.

Let me know: did you like reading this post, and would you like me to give extra attention to the diploma ceremony? 

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