>Sorry for the extremely long title. Feeling more than exhausted (read further if you wonder why), I felt like nothing but writing. Hope you don’t mind I am sharing with you.
My skin. A few weeks ago -from about the moment I knew I graduated- I got very irritated eyes. My eyes were a little annoying for a few weeks ago, but I just handled it, like I always do: put on the best make-up I have and act like I and nobody else will notice it. However, one day I woke up and my eyes were swollen, dry, irritated. I can’t really tell how it exactly looked or felt, as it was quite a question to me as well. However, I did realise this was kind of trouble.
Extrémely scared I got allergic to make-up for the rest of my life, I went to the doctor the same day, who told me my skin probably just dried out. I should be fine with a special cream in a few days. The days turned into a week, but well… after using the cream several times a day my eyes were pretty fine after the period of seven days.
Usually I am quite naïve when it comes to these things: it would be typically me to cover my face in make-up every day again from that ‘fine’ moment and act like nothing had happened. However, I do learn from my mistakes, and realised that my eyes were probably trying to give me a wake-up call (I still don’t know whether this call is physically or mentally) and I didn’t stop using the cream.
This weekend I slept over at my grand parents in law and I forgot the cream. Not a good act, because there was no way I could use foundation yesterday morning: not only my eyes, but my whole skin was dry. Not only forgetting the cream was the problem, the foundation I brought -not my regular one, but a Sephora one, which is my back-up, as I hate it- and the brush instead of the Beauty Blender didn’t make the situation any better. This Sephora foundation really dries my skin, and I don’t know why, but I feel like my skin absorbs foundation much better when using the Beauty Blender. I got frustrated the whole day, because I only used powder. Don’t mistake me: I don’t want to act like I am a girl who doesn’t leave the house without foundation or what ever else make-up kind, but what I do like to say is that I don’t like my body to… punish me? To wake me up? To take me out of control and don’t give me choice in my actions any more?
I want to use foundation when I want to, and I don’t want to leave it because my skin is dry. That is the frustration I am sharing here.
Besides I am pretty scared now that I can’t ever live without this cream any more. I was the kind of girl that wasn’t allergic for anything, and who wasn’t sensitive to any kind. I really freak out now that has seemed to change, especially because it might take years before I might know for what kind of ingredient I am sensitive, or how to avoid having a dry skin. You should know that I could do anything to my face, I must have been very spoiled for a long time. 
Yes, I am desperately seeking for tips here. Is there anyone who has had a comparable experience and who can recommend me to try anything that might help?
My hair. I am very happy to receive compliments about my hair on a daily base. Let’s start telling you this. Especially my hair colour is a beloved one, and now I see red hair everywhere this season, I can’t help being a little proud I had it a year ago already, and two years before that.
However, the above is not where I want to go. Where I want to go is that I am personally not happy with my hair at all. I used to be very happy with it until a few months, maybe years, ago. It was thick, it was healthy, it was easy and I just didn’t have any problems with it ever.
Maybe it is stubborn to believe that I don’t think my hair is worse than it used to be, because of all the dying it has been through. My hair always feels soft and shiny after it has been dyed, and I truly believe dying isn’t really bad any more these days. I can’t really state what the problem would be it though.
Yes, one can say that I don’t take care for my hair really well. I do wash it twice a week, and I use a hairbrush twice a day (don’t know whether this is good, actually?), but that’s all I do in the category ‘good’. The problem is: I am quite a dominant person. Dominant to my hair even. I want my hair to listen to me, you could say. So I just handle it the way I like it, and yes: I got probably punished for it now? Just as for my skin?
What I do that isn’t good to my hair? Yes, I use a hair dryer but just on a rare base. Yes, I use a straigthener, but not more than once a week on average. And I almost always use heath protection. Yes, I curl my hair about once a week, but I don’t really think that is thé problem either. What I do think is a problem is just mess your hair up on your head, tie it together -not with care!- with clips and rubber bands and find it exploded by the end of the day, brushing it toughly. The problem is that it is so easy to do that, and I think it often looks pretty nice and noncha too.
Result is that I have split ends all-the-time now, and annoys me so much. I cut my hair a week ago, but have split ends already again. The frustration almost brings to just shorten my hair, but of course that is not the solution. Because next to split ends, my hair is also dry ánd greasy at the same time almost continuously. Of course these kind of things have a core reason…
Talking about beauty, we forget health. Well, lets speak for myself actually, as Í often forget health as well. I mean: I am busy the whole day with clothes and make-up, but I realise for quite some years already that my health just must be quite bad. I realise like nobody else that looking good has at least as much to day with how you feel and what you radiate, as with what you practically wear.
Are you ready to start the list?
1. I have been drinking too little my whole life. I needed to improve this when I got cystitis about monthly like a year ago, which is ex-tre-me-ly painful in case you haven’t had it once in your life. I took measurements to stop this, and they helped fortunately, but I still drink way too little. Lets say three to four glasses a day, on average. I mean: no wonder my skin is dry, right?
2. The food. It is priority number 1230923 in my life. Which is absolutely way too low of course ánd really stupid as I understand that food is very important. It is the way you gain energy, the way to keep yourself warm (I am al-ways cold), and it is just the way to keep yourself healthy. I can’t say I eat too little, I can’t say I eat too bad. But I realise this just depends on what you think is bad. A specialist would definitely call it bad.
I just eat very randomly. Just when I meet food, when someone asks me to eat or when I feel like falling to the ground, you can say. I hate breakfast and lunch, as I hate bread and any other things you eat with breakfast. That is why I try to avoid it as much as possible, which isn’t really hard as I never make time for it either. I try to, however. To eat a slice of bread quickly somewhere in the morning, because I tell myself I have to.
I eat a lot in the evening though. A lot of the warm meal (I can’t do without a warm meal, as you understand it is the first big meal I eat during the day), a late night snack, those kind of things. In case you might think that I am hunger all day now, and that I gain 5 calories a day. Definitely not. No, my ‘eating moments’ just aren’t very balanced.
What I understand is that my unbalanced diet, and my random diet (I probably eat very limited, I have no idea actually) doesn’t keep me warm and doesn’t give me energy at all. I am not sure whether you believe this, but from about my 13th I feel tired every day. Every single day. Yes, that is pretty shit. Don’t tell me I might have anaemia though, because I am pretty sure I have. I had it, took the pills, and then had it again. I just don’t take the pills anymore by now. Besides I have had the illness of Pfeiffer for two years during the beginning of high school, which doesn’t help either.
3. I sleep too little every day. With maybe one day exception in half a year. I slept about 5-6 hours on average a day for the past three, four months and just a little more before. I don’t know about you, but to me that is absolutely too little. The problem is: I feel urged to wake up “early” (when I can) because I feel like I am seen lazy, when I sleep till afternoon (this still happens a lot, because I am just too tired to get out of bed). In combination with the fact that I extremely enjoy the evening and night. Not like a party animal, but like a ‘workaholic’. I am often blogging late in the evening, because I feel peacefull and calm at that time of the day and there is no phone, no expectations and no appointments. Well, the only expectation is that you are sleeping, but I feel good that -to my feeling- I am doing something more practical than that. Which is absolutely hypocritical of course.
4. My physical state is quite bad. I am happy I started doing Zumba half a year ago, but I hate the fact that I didn’t find the right balance in my life for it yet. For example: though I would really like to, I didn’t go to classes the last month or something. There were a lot of moments when I had other appointments, but I especially was too tired to go. And because I know that my physical state is quite weak, I also know that I am in serious trouble when I cross my borders, and cross them seriously.
What I would like to say (obviously!) is that I see a link between the fact that I think I didn’t feel as exhausted in my life at this moment and the fact that my hair and my skin react so bad. I secretly I hope that this is a wake-up call for at least one of you as well, as I think that health isn’t taken serious enough in our society any more. In this post I am confessing I am one of the most guilty ones.
What I feel really ashamed of is that there is no reason to feel this exhausted, but taking care really bad for myself. It also worries me, feeling that this way of life might only get worse, while I feel like I can’t find the way to give my health and state more priority. I have tried a lot of things, talked with a lot of people, I experience the disadvantages daily and still I can’t put myself to a point of change.
Of course I am very curious whether you recognize yourself in this, and -not the least important- whether you have tips and tricks to give that point of change another try. I appreciate your help extremely.
